tall penguin

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Posts by tall penguin

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  28

  It's Been A While...

  by tall penguin in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  two years i think.

  life has been moving forward for me post-jw.

  i just wanted to share a really great thing that happened recently to me.

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  tall penguin

  Thanks everyone. It was such a beautiful moment and I really wanted to share it with you all. I know it made some of you cry, and I thank you for sharing that with me. I was crying myself as I typed this up today. It's sweet, yet bittersweet, isn't it? That we are so taken aback when something as natural as love comes our way is a sad testimony to what the WT does to people. But I am happy that it seems they won't win in the case of my dear S.

  "Home for the Holidays". I hadn't thought of that, but there is still something quite family-like about this place for me. It's great that even after a few years away that I can come back and reconnect with people I know and care for, as well as meet newbies.

  Cheers, tall penguin
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  28

  It's Been A While...

  by tall penguin in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  two years i think.

  life has been moving forward for me post-jw.

  i just wanted to share a really great thing that happened recently to me.

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  tall penguin

  Thanks BabaYaga for posting the whole story here. I can never quite figure these things out.

  Great to see some old faces still here.

  tall penguin
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  28

  It's Been A While...

  by tall penguin in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  two years i think.

  life has been moving forward for me post-jw.

  i just wanted to share a really great thing that happened recently to me.

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  tall penguin

  Hello all,

  I haven't been here in quite a while. Two years I think. Life has been moving forward for me post-JW. I just wanted to share a really great thing that happened recently to me. I hope it will show that there is some hope left after the whole crazy JW debacle.

  Edited to say: Apparently, I can't cut and paste the entry from my blog so I'll share the link and you can read it there.

  tall penguin
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  42

  Keep In Contact - Email Addresses

  by hillary_step in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  hello,.

  rather than each person starting a thread and cluttering the board, perhaps we can keep this thread for posters email addresses that we may want to stay in contact with.. mine is: [email protected].

  cheers - hs.

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  tall penguin

  I can be reached through my blog at www.tallpenguin.com
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  20

  Saw my dad last night...

  by tall penguin in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  a few weeks ago i had a conversation with my mother (still a jw).

  she told me that one of my fave elders, who was disfellowshipped a few months before i disassociated three years ago, just got reinstated.

  now, to know my mother is to know that she doesn't give you information unless she has an underlying motive.

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  tall penguin

  Thanks everyone. I'm doing better with all of this now. I no longer live for my mother's approval. The grief is in the relationship with me that she's missing out on, the authenticity that we could be sharing. That is my greatest grief. But it is what it is and I accept it.
  
  tall penguin
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  20

  Saw my dad last night...

  by tall penguin in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  a few weeks ago i had a conversation with my mother (still a jw).

  she told me that one of my fave elders, who was disfellowshipped a few months before i disassociated three years ago, just got reinstated.

  now, to know my mother is to know that she doesn't give you information unless she has an underlying motive.

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  tall penguin

  "Then in 1999 she had done enough research to realize it was all bogus and she disassociated herself trying valiantly to convince her JW kids that they were being mislead but the damage had been done already. Now she was trying to get them OUT with the same motherly love and conviction she had had trying to get them IN. "
  
  See, I don't really see this as love. I see it all as control and guilt/fear-motivated. At the end of the day, I love my mother whether she's a jw or not. I'm not trying to get her out. I respect that it's her path in life and that she must live with the consequences of her choices, as we all do. I do not presume to force my worldview on her or anyone else thinking that my way is somehow better. I think that's what love really is, to accept and respect regardless of whether you agree or not.
  
  tall penguin
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  20

  Saw my dad last night...

  by tall penguin in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  a few weeks ago i had a conversation with my mother (still a jw).

  she told me that one of my fave elders, who was disfellowshipped a few months before i disassociated three years ago, just got reinstated.

  now, to know my mother is to know that she doesn't give you information unless she has an underlying motive.

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  tall penguin

  "Try to see things from her perspective. I know it's hard, but she is not being a bad mother. I was her until three years ago. Please know that she is desperate for you to live and the only way she knows how is by being a JW. She probably feels that she is a bad mother because you left. She feels "love never fails" so she must keep trying."
  
  I do see things from her perspective. I understand her warped sense of love. My statement though about her failing as a mother still stands. In the ultimate sense, a mother, a parent, is one who can let go of their own agenda for their child and just accept them for who they are. Doesn't mean I love her any less, just means I can see the situation for what it is. I can still see her value as a human being even though the mother role doesn't suit her.
  
  I'm reading a great book by David Richo entitled "How To Be An Adult In Relationships". There's this passage where he's discussing the acceptance that a parent should have for their child and it sums up where I'm at:
  
  "Parents can accept us only after they succeed in dismantling their original representation of us in favor of the person we are turning out to be. This means not being disappointed with us for breaking a bargain we never made."
  
  I never made the bargain to become a JW. I was 5 when my mother converted in. It was her choice. Now that I've broken the bargain, she cannot fully accept me. That is her failure as a parent. It is what it is.
  
  tall penguin
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  20

  Saw my dad last night...

  by tall penguin in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  a few weeks ago i had a conversation with my mother (still a jw).

  she told me that one of my fave elders, who was disfellowshipped a few months before i disassociated three years ago, just got reinstated.

  now, to know my mother is to know that she doesn't give you information unless she has an underlying motive.

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  tall penguin

  A few weeks ago I had a conversation with my mother (still a jw). She told me that one of my fave elders, who was disfellowshipped a few months before I disassociated three years ago, just got reinstated. Now, to know my mother is to know that she doesn't give you information unless she has an underlying motive. So, I got off the phone feeling pretty upset, realizing that she told me this because she's hoping that that will be me one day, "returning to the flock".
  
  Fast forward to last night. I went out with my Dad (also still a jw, but who knows if he even believes it at this point). I gathered courage all evening to broach the subject with him. Finally I told him what my mother had said about this elder getting reinstated.
  
  "Does Mom think I'm going back one day?" I ask.
  
  "I don't know," he says.
  
  "Come on Dad, be honest. You live with this woman. Does she think I'm going back?"
  
  "Yes, she does." Dad says.
  
  At this point, I start to get emotional. A mix of tears and rage. "After all this time, she just doesn't get it, does she?"
  
  "No, she doesn't."
  
  Now I'm full-blown crying. "I just wish one day she could see me as the adult I've become. Dad, I've always felt that your love was unconditional, that it didn't have strings attached. I wish I could say the same for Mom's love."
  
  "Your mother loves you. But you know how she can be." Sure, I know how she can be alright. She can be a f*%ked up lunatic!
  
  Dad continues, "You're an adult. You can make your own choices in life. No one can judge you for that."
  
  I said, "But they do judge me and you know it. But it's Mom's judgments that cut the deepest. I just wish she could reach a point where she could stop having an agenda for her children and just see us for the amazing people we are."
  
  Dad doesn't say anything after this. He's a man of few words and his words had officially run out. I sit quietly sobbing.
  
  This is the greatest disappointment in my life, to have a mother that doesn't understand that the whole point of her being a mother was to give me the tools and the wings to live my own life. As far as I'm concerned, she's failed in the role of mother.
  
  tall penguin
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  14

  My mother says my thinking is now like he who sexually abused me

  by feenx in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  wow...i am so hurt and angry and in sheer disbelief i don't even really know where to start.

  ok first off, my mother has multiple personalities.

  it is my hope that one day soon we can actually be...well you know, a "family.

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  tall penguin

  (((feenx)))
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  15

  Intro&Convention/Meatmarket stories

  by iamthewolf5562 in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  hey guys.

  yet another n00b here in your midst.

  let's see here.....i'm about to hit the big 22, and i just came from nc to the steel city.

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  tall penguin

  I had a couple of guy friends who adopted a "divide and conquer" mentality at the conventions. They'd spend the lunch hour chatting up as many sisters as possible, getting numbers and then compare notes later. I was not impressed. I was one of those goodie jw gals looking for a "spiritually mature" man. Blech.
  
  tall penguin